Changing the Environment is Easier than Changing the Child

And for Part 3 of 4…

Hey caregiver…

Do you find yourself correcting the same behavior over…and over…and over...? You’re not alone.

Does this story sound familiar to you?

Recently, I had a client who was BUSY with a capital B. She ran and jumped and climbed all over everything. So much so, her entire team was worried about her safety. Her mother was at her wits end and didn’t know what to do. She was constantly redirecting her, at first calmly, as we’d talked about and using the cueing hierarchy from part 1 of this series, but she often found herself frantic, and worried, about her daughter’s safety. She also felt exhausted from all the redirecting and also worry. Would her daughter fall from a high place? Would she hurt herself? Would the prompting send her into an hours long tantrum? Would their special items be broken?

All these things happened, and more.

And one day, I pointed out that their home, lovely as it was, was filled with so many interesting things. Things that could break, that mom didn’t want her daughter to touch. So I gently brought up moving the breakables out of the room all together. Because, here’s the thing, changing the environment is easier than changing the child.

Now some of you may be asking, “Kaitlyn, isn’t that coddling/protecting/avoiding?” I get where you’re coming from, but in my opinion, no.

Having fun, shiny, untouchable objects nearby a toddler is an invitation to reach them. Especially if you have furniture anywhere near them for climbing or jumping. I personally think it’s unreasonable to expect a toddler not to want to try and touch those precious items. Or jump/climb if you’ve perviously allowed it.

So when this happens, I always suggest removing the items, even temporarily, so that we can redirect the child without worrying about the items breaking.

This also holds true for my kiddos that jump off furniture and climb. They’re seeking some sensation, it makes them feel good! And so in these situations, I usually try to work with the caregivers to find a safe way that’s acceptable to them that will provide the same stimulation.

Can’t jump on the couch? Set up some pillows in the child’s room they can crash into. Get a small trampoline (they are all over Facebook marketplace) for them to jump on. Climbing all over everything? Set up a safe place with padding for them to climb, and fall. Try to add an extra trip to the park when you can. And then you can block off the unsafe area or create new rules/routines around that area. Now you can start using a new prompt hierarchy from post 1.

And then, you can catch them being good, from post 2, and reinforce the new, suitable behavior.

There are usually lots of creative ways to meet the need of the child by changing the environment rather than expecting something different, and often impossible, from the child. And the key here is you can scold or yell less because you found a solution that’s acceptable to both of you.

When you connect with your child and acknowledge what they need, and then find a way to make their needs work with your needs, everyone wins.