Attention Agenda
A common complaint I get from clients goes something like this…
“He just can’t pay attention to anything, let alone sit at a table, it’s so frustrating!”
To which my usual response is, “Of course it’s frustrating!” People not paying attention to us, even when it’s children, is way up there on the frustration list. Particularly if you’re trying to teach your child something.
And, it’s nuanced and deserving of observation and thought.
Let’s think about how long you’re expecting your child to attend. Are you expecting 10-20 minutes of attention from your 2-year-old? Well, I’m sorry to say that’s just too long. A good goal would be 3-6 minutes for that age. And yes, I know that some daycares/preschools require children to sit at tables with focused attention for many minutes, and yes, your child will need to do this once they’re in big kid school. And, I’d suggest that perhaps rethinking expectations is in order. Look at who your child is today and go from there. We don’t need to strive and prepare for the next step that’s years away and light-years away developmentally.
Then let’s look at where you want your child to attend. Do you want them sitting at a table doing an activity or are you open to sitting on the floor or in some other space? I often like floor sitting for this age group because it gives the child more opportunity to sit in a comfortable way. They can lay on their stomach, sit legs out, criss-cross, or stand up. Sitting at a table takes a lot of work, actually! It doesn’t mean we can’t practice, but it does mean that sitting might be taking all of your child’s available resources, leaving nothing for the activity. If they’re working really hard to stay seated, they don’t have any cognitive resources left! So, think about how maybe you can be flexible about the place and way your child sits so that they can be comfortable and available to learn.
Last, let’s look at what your child is attending to. Did you choose the activity or did they? Is it brand new or have they been able to spend time with it? Do they like the activity? Sometimes we like to think of kids under 3 as not having preferences, but be assured they do! And even if they can’t tell you about them, believe me they will show you. I often get complaints that a child won’t sit and attend to a task the caregiver chose, but when I observe the child in free play, they attend for many minutes to their favorite toys. This shows me the child is capable of attention, and perhaps it’s the activities that need a second look. I’m not saying you always need to let you child choose, especially if they’re closer to 3 or older. It’s perfectly okay to suggest activities to do together. I would, however, suggest you look at your child’s unique interests and try to pick something that is close to or in line with them.
At other times, it’s perfectly okay (and needed!) to introduce new toys an options to expand your child’s repertoire. I like to have other options available for free play and exploration so the child can explore them at their own pace, and in their own way.
Which brings me to my point. Who’s agenda are we talking about with regards to attention? The caregiver or the child? If you’ve thought about these prompts and are now thinking that perhaps it’s your agenda you’re working from, here’s some ways to work on that.
Expect brief periods of attention of 3-6 minutes during child-centered activities. You will likely get more minutes than this, but the is a great beginning goal and jumping off point.
Observe where your child often sits, how they sit, and props that might be useful. You might consider using pillows to sit on, floor chairs, sitting with a back against a wall, or on the stomach. It’s okay that you’re not putting your toddler at a table yet. If you do opt for table work (maybe for art or sensory activities), be sure to use a size appropriate for your child whenever possible (little chairs, little tables) or allow your child to stand if they’re more comfortable that way.
Think about what your goals of the activity are and how you can tailor the activity to suit your chid’s interests. For example, if I’m working on expanding phrases and the child I work with loves animals, I’m going to pull out the animal toys and target this. No need to do it with cars if the child doesn’t like them. I’m going to get more language out of a child who enjoys the activity than one who doesn’t, even if the activity I’ve planned is great.
Be flexible. Your child’s interests, comfort level, and ability level will change over time. That mean’s you’ll need to change your tactics too. That’s okay and a natural part of growing up and making a “just right challenge”.
Consider why you’re working on a particular skill and if you need a set activity to do it. Yes, I absolutely know it’s harder and takes more work to build in “lessons” to your day, but it might be more interesting and thus more fruitful if you embed lessons into everyday activities.
So, if you’ve got a busy bee flying around your house, and you’re concerned about attention, I hope you’ll consider the above. And if you still have questions or worries or something just doesn’t seem right, reach out to me via the contact page!